“No, that’s not it. It’s just.” My voice trails off again. I can’t tell him why what he said is true. He’d think I was a freak. “It’s just what?” I didn’t hear him move up behind me, but he’s there. I can feel his breath on my neck. He takes my hand, slowly, so I have time to pull away if I want. I don’t. He leads me through the crowd of dancing people and to a staircase. He leads me up the staircase and down several hallways, twists, and turns. We go into a pretty-much hidden room. “What are you doing?” I finally ask him a question I should’ve asked a long time ago. He closes the door and then stands in front of me. I can see his chest rising and falling as he breathes in slowly, relaxed. That’s when I realize, when he touched my hand, I didn't’t see anything. I didn’t see his past, or what he was thinking. Normally I avoid physical contact, I see too much about the person. I always see something. Isaiah is like a blank page in a book. I’m not sure if I like it, or hate it. “I’m. I really wanted to get laid. I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant; the only thing that was holding me back was the thought of being with a guy. Even though I had given Jason a blow job; that thought was still bothering me. The more I thought about it the more depressed I got. It seemed that I was destined to be a virgin for the rest of my days. The suddenly I had a crazy idea; maybe it wouldn't bother me if Jack was the one who took my virginity. That would solve two problems at the same time. We both would lose our virginities, and I could teach him to be a good lover; he'd improve his self confidence, and be able to go out and get a girl on his own. No, I couldn't allow that to happen; that would make him less likely to want to live the rest of his life in isolation with me. What if we became lovers; that would be incest, but who would know? We would have to tell Mom & Dad, of course, but that would be explained when we told them about me anyway. That's the way it would.
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